Coming Soon

Here's a poster for me and my roommates' new movie which we are currently shooting. It actually gives a pretty good impression of the piece, I think. It is the reason why I've had to desert our faithful readers this last week and a half or so. I hope I haven't alienated those who depend on our blog for the most current and up to date news.
This is going to be a very funny movie that we're shooting. No expectations that you could possibly have about this movie will compare to the final product, a bright new blistering star exploding into the universe with ingenious hilarity. Should be done, from soup to nuts, about a month from now and up on YouTube.

This Better Be Unbleached Flour...

tandem bike riders fall in the river.
they try to tandem swim. It doesnt work, they drown.
they go to heaven and explain the situation to god.
he says,
You guys should be more independant.
too late now.

Jungle Time

I got some work as an audience member at a dance game show. Which was a little bit like standing in line at the LA soup kitchen. William H Macy says “My wife and I are incompatible.” I also feel like my balls are cut off. Anyway what am I talking about? So I stood around and clapped at this show until my hands went raw, raw as a mother fuck. Thing is they paid me in cash so whatever.

That bullshit went on for about ten hours. I nearly killed myself like five times. Then another three once the show started. The host was some bastard from E!. I always hated that name “E!”. Like the exclamation was totally necessary. It isn’t by the way. So goddamn. Either way it was a bunch of nonsense and some munchkin with red hair hit me in the balls twice. I was trying to be nice and not kick his ass but it was tough. I didn’t. I told him to stop swinging his arms. Leprechaun-mother-fucker.

It was fine after that. I ended and I went home. My roommates wanted to go out and get a drink. Usually in this case I wouldn’t but we had a guest so I did. I danced around to Fleetwood Mac and my roommates bought me some shots. Good sports.

I ended up on the corner singing old time blues with some old man with a jacket with a bunch of metals. I don’t know what he was up to. He was good.

Honestly!?

Listen up Bartlebee, this isn’t really the time or place. I did a lot of things to finally rip out of the margins, or did I? Lets not be silly friend, you knew this was how it had to be…oh you didn’t, don’t act that way. It’s a party every day of the year, so your out of cash, it doesn’t matter. Just stop bitching and rob a bank you ninny.

It's not to say it couldn’t be better, things could always be better. It’s exactly this kind of reckless behavior that got us here in the first place, busted tire, busted lip, busted everything, were busted…please stop crying man, really your killing my buzz the way Phil Collins kills an erection…oh fuck you…he is a twat. He really is. Well I’m not going to argue with you about it either way. I have a bunch of things to do today and this wasn’t part of the plan… I’m not being insensitive…I’m not, at all. Just being honest.

Fine, be that way, just finish your coffee and lets get the hell out of here.

New Years Resolutions

1. get dick reduction surgery to prevent future back problems.
2. stop wasting my time writing for a blog that no one reads.
3. savor the little things in life, like sean's penis.
4. get my wings.
5. get back into breastfeeding.
6. think up more dead baby jokes
- what's worse than ten dead babies in a barrel?
one live baby in your girlfriend.
7. read one book an hour.
8. win a triathlon.
9. bukaki.
10. ?

dubs

1. Stopping nailing women who are married to Bob Dole.
2. Get back to the basics, then learn astrophysics.
3. Stop talking about it and finally kill Parker.
4. Stop smoking cigarettes and move onto crack.
5. Convince everyone that my opinions are truth.
6. Stop eating seafood, start eating land food.
7. Finish one thing I start.
8. Live.
9. Fuck my life up less than the previous decade.
10. Die.

Dirt

Here Comes Bricks

songs to make you blow your load

are playing over frog and toad.

the road to Reno’s short and narrow,

and you can feel it in your marrow.

everybody wants a passenger seat,

a place where they can cook their meat.

some get lost while taking the test,

a cactus born within their chest.

even odds that black is white

and you need more than a string to fly a kite.

whiskers shed, the maker said.

complete and contrite,

two bongs can make a right,

the manager is out of sight.

her brother’s dead, one in the head.

trade winds knock over carriages,

and baby’s from true love marriages.

they don’t mind a little pain,

the thistles on a lion’s mane.

books are useless

and a newborn is toothless.

ongoing goings on unrecorded,

a pilot who slept while his aircraft boarded.

her uncle failed to mow the lawn,

he thought his bishop was a pawn.

2007- the first year in the belly of a whale

I’m sorry mostly, for the things that are easily pointed.

I saw more movies than ever and wrote more, I made a lot of promises but rarely kept the ones made to myself. I wrestled with the past in an oversized singlet.

I missed my friends and family. I had the brokest most amazing summer of my life. I formed real friendships and held onto the ones I valued.

I played some rad shows and feel the rock and roll venom running through me stronger than ever. I made the decision to run wailing into the future like a naked, sorrowful widow, one that may all in all doom me.

I realized I have no idea what to do with myself but am less concerned for my own well being than ever before.

Love is the only thing. I have more to give. Especially for crazy mother fuckers who punch me in the stomach. This year has to be remembered, it may be the year that everything started to fall into place.