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love, world wide dirt

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Facebook Profile of Mayor Schutzstaffel, the guy who likes breakfast

Sex: Breakfast
Birthday: Breakfast Day, 1988
Hometown: Eggwich, IA
Religious Views: Eating breakfast is like cumming in God at the start of every morning
Relationship Status: Breakfast
Interested in: Breakfast
Looking for: Breakfast

Personal Information

Activities: Breakfasting and egg whisking and sausage steaming and pulp grinding and toast crisping and and bacon licking and and receipt filing and and coconut hauling and and Kix smearing and coffee straining and and and and and and and and fart knocking and gracefulness
Favorite Music: The sound of smelling pancakes in the AM.
Favorite TV Shows: The Egg-Ventures of Olly the Omelette and his Pet Gummy Bear Smitty (Seasons 3 and 8)
Favorite Movies: Ernest Saves Breakfast, Earnest Scared Breakfast, Ernest Goes to Breakfast
Favorite Books: Incan Sandies: The Sandy Breakfasts of the Lima-Area 12th Century Incas.  (only funny if Incan and Pecan rhymed, which they didn’t)
Favorite Quotations:
“Breakfast is a dish best served constantly, without interruption for bowel movement or sleep or respiration.”
“Walk softly but carry a big whisk.”
“The simplest explanation is usually breakfast.”
“You know you a sweet little lovemaker, foxy eggy.”
“You can lead a pancake to syrup and you can make it delicious.”
About Me:
B is for big old cakes of totally fuckable pancakes
R is for rifling through the thrift store, looking for deals on eggs
E is for each day is a chance to swallow two loaves of french toast
A is for a Pall Mall cigarette while the potatoes are cooking
K is for kissing delicately the soft shivering center of a danish
F is for 4 as in I like to eat breakfast fourever
A is the Alps, the Mecca of breakfast & for “ASS” as in breakfASSt
S is for safe sex
T is for trying to be the best damn fuckface I can be
O is for an outstanding breakfast, which I eat every day
What does that spell?...
If you speak Spanish, then you know this is the Hispanic translation of the Anglos’ “breakfast.”

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