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Monday, December 27, 2010

The Year That Everyone Died - Part 4 - Oh Fuck, Christmas!

Follow the adventures of Steve Wilson in WWD's new series The Year That Everyone Died

So i woke up this morning and uncle Donald was standing over the cot smiling. Which is weird for a number of reasons.

“What?” i asked. My mouth tasted like a butthole.

“For you.” Uncle Donald said and motioned to a box on the floor.

I reached over and opened the box.

“Awesome. a slow cooker.”

“For making pot roast and stews and such.” He said.

“Not like there needs to be a reason, but why the present uncle Don?”

“Merry Christmas!” He said.

“Oh fuck! It’s Christmas?”


I got dressed and out to the bus stop as fast as i could. I stopped at the McDonald’s around the corner and got a McChicken and a large sprite.

I’ve been eating there a lot, maybe I’m depressed. I’ve been taking my meds. And doing a decent amount of coke. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Some guy just won a million dollars pulling one of those tabs off a Big Mac. Fuck him. Fucking cocksucker. Fuck him.


I can’t believe i forgot Christmas. Its one of the few times a year I have to actually do something and I blew it. Now i’ll be late to visit my widowed-sad bastard dad. We’ll drink some MGD’s and watch some fucking Tom Selleck show. He usually has some green bean casserole and ham and shit that his neighbor brings over. She’s a widow too and definitely wants to bone.

I should get him something. I really should. I remember him telling me on the phone a few weeks ago to not worry about bringing anything. Like that would be some sort of relief. Of course it just made me feel more like a pathetic fucking loser.

So I vowed not to forget and get him that Tony Dungy autobiography from the discount book store. but i forgot. because I’m a retard.


The bus was taking too long so i went into the gas station to buy some cigarettes.

Now I usually don’t buy lotto tickets, but that day I decided I would, and give it to my dad. It would be a funny gimmick. We could laugh at how lotto tickets are a tax for stupid people. But the bus still wasn't coming and i was bored so i scratched it.

And you wouldn’t believe it but I won eighty dollars. Seriously, I can’t believe that i don’t do this more often. Thank god.

I can buy something for my dad and its only 3 pm. I can take the bus downtown and then get to his place by 4:30.

8:24 PM -

Me and my dad are eating even though I’m not hungry. And It’s A Wonderful Life is on the TV in the other room. It’s not, by the way.

“So, how is your girlfriend? You guys getting along?” He asked. He didn’t look up.

He has a mustache like my uncle. They don’t really talk though. My dad keeps to himself now. Him and my uncle talk on the phone but thats about it. I wish I had a sibling sometimes. Usually not though.

“She threw me out of the apartment.” I said.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He screamed. “What happened?”

Now he didn't say anything about the fact that i obviously forgot Christmas in some fashion or that I was obviously on drugs or the fact that I didn't come over until 7:45 with no excuse to where I was. He was mad about this.

“Well I told her that I cheated on her.” I said. I gritted my teeth.

“Why? Why would you ever tell her something like that?”

“I wanted to be honest.”

“Fuck honesty. Ugh. Un-be-lievable. The one thing, the one thing that made me think you had a chance and you blew it. Look at you. Un-be-lievable.”

I shrugged and didn't say anything. There was a long silence. “Honestly, I wasnt going to but my friends said it would be good. it would make us both feel better in the end.”

“Friends.” my dad grumbled, almost spit in disgust. “Friendship is just a long line of people giving bad advice.”

And we ate the rest of our food and I gave him a present. He opened it.

“A slow cooker.” He said. “Thank you.”

“For stews and pot roasts and such.” I said.

“Thank you. I gave one to your uncle a few years ago. Very handy.

Not sure what's going on? Click here for the pilot episode of The Year That Everyone Died

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