There have only been about two thousand christmases, which is not so many. I've been in apartment buildings that house more than two thousand people. One in two thousand is actually somewhat precious. You will only have about eighty, and that is being very optimistic, unless you quit the junk food and the cigarettes and the unprotected sex through glory holes.
1) That Edgar Alan Poe had lived long enough to write a story involving a glory hole.
3) One free candy cane for every man, woman and child.
4) Poof-a-doof hair.
5) A new alternator