For Devin Nelson
It’s time to bring back dinosaurs. Some people think that at one time we walked the earth together. I’m not saying we did because I sometimes believe in science. I’m just saying that right now, this summer, it’s time to bring them back.
Think about the terror that would ensue before we finally got along. I’d like to see a flash mob loot a T-Rex or some asshole teenagers pull a Velociraptor out of their car at state fair. I’d like to see that shit.
People could stop shooting guns or arguing about that fucking gremlin Scott Walker. We could stop complaining about the heat, stop complaining about money, stop complaining about the deals or contracts we have or don’t have. We’d be worried about that Bronto foot that just came crashing through our living room. That’d be the pressing issue.
It would be so insane we could stop wondering why that person didn't call us. Because lets face it, a pterodactyl doesn't know the first goddamn thing about love and we don’t know about giant eggs. So there.
And selfishly, it’d keep my wasted ass out of the streets, it’d keep me off my phone, it’d keep me from flipping my bike or getting mugged or falling down stairs, or getting into it with some other asshole for pretty much no reason. It would take dinosaurs to do that. Not da mama.
Lets get the Jurassic Park guy on this, because maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to recreate dinosaurs on an island but it sure as shit would be a good idea to unleash them on the city of Milwaukee.
And though it would slow the city down - what with all the running and hiding and slayings and whatnot - eventually we’d all have to learn to live with each other. Because only humans and humans can’t learn to live with each other. I’m pretty sure humans and dinosaurs can. Triceratops and humans would be roller blading by the lake or sharing bloody’s at Comet in no time.
So lets get real people, the only way to solve this cities problems, to solve our problems, is to get our dinosaur on.
We can all hug and kiss and make up, because don’t got time to trifle. We have to make sure our babies don’t get snatched up by those little dinosaurs. We have to make sure we don’t get crazy black shit spit in our face like Newman from Seinfeld.