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Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Year That Everyone Died - Part 13 - Me And Dad Got Loaded

Follow the adventures of Steve Wilson in WWD's new series The Year That Everyone Died

It all started at the super market on saturday. I went to pick up some specialty brats at the Metro Market for me and my dad. The plan was to watch the Steelers/Ravens game at my dads place then head on over to Jimbo’s Bar and Grill to watch the Packers game with all the other old drunks.

I was walking down the aisle and the place was packed. I mean packed, people really lose their shit during football season, not that i can blame them. Thing is I obviously talked too much shit this year...saying the Vikings would be great and the Pack were a bunch of bums and...most of us know how that turned out.

Really though, I think that people made too big of a deal out of the Brett Favre dick texting thing. So fucking what. We hold our athletes to too high of standards, it’s just that Packer fans treated Brett like a god when he played for their team. Then he didn't and got in this sexting business and they were like “See, aren’t we glad we got rid of that guy?” Truth is he was always the same chucking, chugging, pill popping, womanizing maniac the whole time.

But I like him for those reasons.

I’ve always been a Vikings fan but until I saw the fans booing Favre after he got killed at Lambeau field and saw the way they talked about him this year, I was never glad I wasn't a Packers fan. Now I am. I thank the god I don’t believe in.

He didn’t kill dogs or something crazy, he just took a little picture of his dingaling. Bad Idea but he still won Green Bay a Super Bowl and played a million games, so basically, cry me a river.

anyways, I digress, again.

I was looking at the Frito bean dip when I ran into my old friend Greg. Greg loves the Packers so we rarely watch games together cause I’m such a hater, not to mention Greg isn't really into doing a bunch of blow and grinding your teeth watching youtube videos until 8 in the morning. Great guy though.

Anyway we got to talking and Greg asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a little of the first game and smoke some grass. So of course I did.

I picked up the brats, tortilla chips, a twenty piece chicken wing bucket, taco dip, twelve pack Mountain Dew and a twelve pack of Pabst. With bus fair that pretty much tapped me out.

Man that Greg, he is a pro at DVR. We watched a bunch of recorded Saturday Night Live Weekend update episodes and watch a musical performance by Lil Wayne. He’s like an artist with that DVR shit. We watch a the Steelers game but I leave after the Ravens go up 21-3.

I drink eight of the Pabst and take the 33 bus back over to my dad’s house.

Riding the bus when there is perfectly good football to watch is pure bullshit. Pure and simple bullshit. Some lady in a wheel chair takes twenty minutes to get on, the bus driver jumps off to take a piss, fuck this.

I finally get to my dads house and he is pretty happy to see me. I feel like a disappointment a lot of the time but I know he’s still happy to see me. I’m all he has after all.

So we throw some brats on the grill and he cooks them up even though its like 0 degrees out. And I pound down about 15 of the 20 chicken wings.

OH, and the Steelers came all the way back and tied the game! fucking bus...

We chill for a while and I throw the beers I have left in the fridge and start in on the case of MGD’s he bought.

Steelers win. So good for them. Ben Rothlisberger, now there’s a fucked up individual. Dick texting? we’re talking about dick texting? dick texting? it’s just dick texting...please.

So we eat some brats. I got the Philly Steak one and a Rueben one and Italian herb and cheese. Metro Market brats are killer shit.

We eat and both pound down some MGDs and head over to Jimbo’s. My dad says they have good wings there. And even though I’ve already had enough, I think we are both pretty excited about it. We decide to take a cab because it’s too far to walk and as fucked up as I can be sometimes I still know that drinking and driving is bullshit.

Jimbo’s is OK and its jumping today.

Now I don’t necessarily like the Packers but my dad hate, hate, hates the Packers.

My grandma has been dead for a while. Old age, she was 94 but I think my dad is convinced that Vince Lombardi killed her somehow. He hates them. And that goes for Favre, Donald Driver, Tony Mandrich and the ball boys.

Like Denzel says in Man On Fire, “Anyone involved, anyone who profited.” It’s like that.

So the game starts and we start doing shots. We get wings and some a quesidilla appitizers (delicious), then more shots. Some dickhead from High School comes up and says “Steve Wilson is that you?”

I say “Yeah, how you been?”

And this dick cheese has the nerve to tell me about his kids and he good job he has at Harley (even though the plants not doing well, his job his safe) and I say “good for you man” but I can’t get rid of this guy. He’s going on and on about his hot wife (who I had a crush on back then) and their new house when I stop him.

“Look man” I say, “I’m pretty addicted to cocaine and I live in my uncles basement because my girlfriend kicked me out, my best friend is a total bore and I’m just trying to get loaded with my dad one more time before I head out on a suicide mission to avenge some girls death from college, who I barely knew, who’s ghost has been visiting me over the last month or so.”

And he shuts the fuck up and goes back to his seat.

And right before the end of the first half Tramon Williams picks off Matt Ryan and scores and the game is over. So we get even more hammered. My dad starts screaming all around the bar that the packers were losers from Lombardi on and they’ll be losers forever. The situation starts to get a little hairy.

Just like that I’m draggin him out of the bar and calling a cab. One night you’re getting pulled out of a bar, the next you’re pulling your father out of a bar.

Circle of life dude.

We go back to his house and make a frozen pizza. Tombstone. (for the record, I prefer Jacks)

My dad talks about how awesome the night was and how it’s good to have me around. and how he loves me. Then we eat and he goes to bed.

I watch Love Actually on cable and cry like crazy.

Not sure what's going on? Click here for the pilot episode of The Year That Everyone Died

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