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Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Year That Everyone Died - Part 9 - How To Say You're Sorry-ish

Follow the adventures of Steve Wilson in WWD's new series The Year That Everyone Died

So I’ve been thinking about it. If I’m going to go find this murderer and avenge the death of some girl I barely know...from college...four years ago...I better (and I say this with all sorts of apprehension) make things right (eck) with the people in my life.


So I load up Carter in the car. He’s been playing with one of uncle Don’s old rags for a month now. He takes it with him everywhere. Idiot.

We drive over to my old apartment and ring Rita’s doorbell.

“What do you want Steve?” She says. Then she sees Carter and her eyes light up. She always liked Carter more than me and vice versa but he’s one of the only friends I’ve got so I aint giving him up.

Rita gives Carter a treat and I sit on the couch I originally found behind Bella Fat Cats.


I remember when they used to have two for one burger tuesdays. Now they’re closed because of not having a food license...whatever that is. Huge tragedy, sort off like hurricane Ned. Thats what it was called right?

I went to california a few years ago and they give a grade for every restaurant based on their cleanliness. What a bunch of grade-school-chicken-shittery. Californians are a bunch of candy asses.


I digress.

Rita pets Carter and looks skeptically across the table at me. Of course I glance at her tits and she pretends not to notice.

“First of all” I say “I’m sorry I told you I cheated on you.”

“What the fuck does that mean? Your not sorry you cheated on me?”

“No no no. Of course I’m sorry about that. I’m just regret telling you also. Maybe a little more.”

“You are a fuck head Steve.”

“I deserve that.”

“Don’t warrant my insults. I don’t give a shit what you deserve.” She crossed her arms. and Carter laid his head on her lap.

“Let me start over. I love you.”

“Sure you do. You don’t know how to love.”

“Ouch, hurtful cliches are the worst.”

“Also where the fuck is my 1,800 dollars.”

“I thought it was 1,300” I say.

“Its not.”

“I’ll give you Carter.” I say jokingly and she smiles. Whew.

Use the dog Steve. He’s a furry wingman.

She walks me and Carter to the door and says:

“I think you should go back, all the way back and think about relationships you’ve had. Think about how they ended and how you acted during. Then see if there is a pattern there. Also get a job. Also pay me my 1,800 dollars.”

“Ok.” I say. I’ll do the first of those three. I owe her that much. “One more thing.”

“Yes?” She says.

“Would you have sex with me?”

“Get the fuck out of here Steve. Don’t contact me unless you got my money.”

Then she calls me a “fucking retard” and slams the door in my face.

“Real! Mature!” I yell.

She isnt that mad at me and I think I understand why. I don’t think she ever took me seriously. Sure we lived together but it was only cause she thought I was funny.

I’m funny right?

Not sure whats going on? Click here for pilot episode of The Year That Everyone Died

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