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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Year That Everyone Died - Part 14 - I Shouldn't Say Some Things

follow the adventures of Steve Wilson in WWD’s new series The Year That Everyone Died

Lets flip the fucking switch already.

I borrowed uncle Don’s car. He didn't mind. He said that if he needed to drive he could his new girlfriend’s car. She’s a bartender at some depths of hell place on National. Her name is Margot.

This morning I got up and he was standing around shirtless in the kitchen he said - “Sorry if we made too much noise last night.”

And I barfed in my mouth a little.

To think about my uncle feebly pounding his fat bartender girlfriend. fuck. ugh. fuck.

So I borrowed the car and I stopped at the gas station and got a few snacks. nothing much, just two cans of soda (Pepsi, Mt Dew) regular Cheetos, gummy worms and wax bottles (2/1.00), Chex Mix, Ice cream sandwich, and two hotdogs for 1.79 0 which seems like a rip off because I can remember when you could get that deal for a dollar - and I had a friend once that said he wouldn't pay more than FREE for a hotdog.

which was pretty funny.

But really, if there were corn dogs there would be no question.

I’d pay a million dollars for a corn dog. If there was only one left on earth I’d die for it, as long as I could take my time in eating it, I’d die for it.

Besides, if all the corn dogs were gone, what’s the point in living.

If god gave me the choice of either fucking Naomi Watts one time or eating a corn dog, I’d pick the corn dog. And I really respect Naomi Watts. In a different universe I think she could be my girlfriend. We’d both be school teachers and coach the baseball and debate team respectively.

But she’s a famous actress and I’m an unemployed writer.

I always thought the day that I found out where they sold corn dogs at college was the beginning of the end. I started skipping class and eating the corn dogs, sometimes I’d take a twenty minute bus ride to school just to eat the corn dogs.

Rita told me once that all the fast food I eat was going to take thirty years off my life. well you know what I say:


I’m way off.

So I drove north to Oshkosh to visit a friend of mine from high school. I figured I should go see him because, well, I really never visit anyone. Sure, I’ve promised a lot of things but everyone knows I’m full of shit.


There was a girl I had a crush on in high school and I saw her at the bar one night. Now, in some ways I think I had a chance with this girl but who cares, that was then, ya know - anyway, I told her I was going to come visit her at school and she said

“Steve Wilson, you talk a good game, or you did anyway.” and she walked off. I haven't seen her since. I could have made it happen but I was chicken.


So I stop at my friend Dave’s house real quick. Driving North In Wisconsin is always the same fucking thing - abortion billboard, firework stand, abortion billboard, wind turbine, abortion billboard, ATV sales lot, abortion billboard.

If abortion was illegal a lot of good billboard makers would be out of a job.

Eh ... Sometimes I just say things. Somethings I shouldn't say. I don’t know how I feel about abortion or really anything else...Now I’m back pedaling.

Anyways, he’s fatter than I remember.

We always got along good. Neither one of us had mom’s - his was still alive but hooked on drugs. We used to drink a lot of beers in his garage. He was a distinctive yet vague memory. The taste of sour beast light and cloudy moments bleeding quickly into the next.

Still, he was fatter now. We talk about this and that and go out for some pitchers and cheese curds. We play darts and hit on some girls who aren’t interested from the get go. And I end up getting wasted and stay at his house.

But of course nothing really stood out from that night. And I admit that maybe I’m stalling, but I’ve been stalling for some time now. In everything. Once again we leave and I maybe would never see him again. And he waves to me as I drive off and I know that we never were the same.

I know then for sure that the world doesn’t change, we all make the same jokes and the same mistakes. The only thing that changes is our ability to accept that fact.

Not sure what’s going on? Click here for the pilot episode of The Year That Everyone Died

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