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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hard Growing

I used to get a lot of boners in high school. I don't mean an abnormal amount of boners but probably the usual amount for a young man hitting puberty. Obviously, these bonerstorms were no more under my control than a storm of any other kind, but I was convinced that nobody knew about them. I was convinced they couldn't see the outline of my erect penis through 3 seasons of clothing.

In hindsight, it's absurdly naive, but I know now that an absolutely imperative part of getting your ass kicked by puberty is the lessons in humility. My lesson was two girls laughing at me in history class.

I can remember wearing khakis. If I was unlucky they were pleated, but that doesn't really matter. One of the girls was called Iris. I specifically remember Iris but not the other girl - probably a Jenny or a Sarah - because Iris was the one black girl in my grade. More importantly than her color, she had the most wonderful hair. It was curly and the color of caramel and always elaborately large. I don't mean extension or weave large but the girl was a Rasta large. And obviously I remember having a boner. There wasn't anything particular about that boner. I don't count them, so I'm not sure which it was, but I can say with confidence that it was a full-blown erection.

The two girls laughed and looked, and I'm certain I caught the tail end of their quickly sheathed points before they turned away to feign disinterest. It never struck me as suspect until at least 7 years later. Oddly, I can't remember the exact circumstance under which the realization occurred. I want to say it was the emergence of men wearing women's jeans, but there's no way of knowing the when and where I realized that even a limp cock can be visible through denim. As the dick knowledge dawned on me, humility thundered through my guts as the perfect match to years of, except for the laughing, otherwise silent bonerstorms.

These days I have to manage the occasional boner. I'm done with puberty (don't tell my beard), so it's not like I'm getting spontaneous erections all of the time, but now I know people know. If I could go back to being blissfully unaware of how aware people are of my penis, I would. It's a lifetime of the dealing with the occasional giggle or tucking the tip of my penis into the elastic of my boxers. I honestly can't say which is more humiliating. Chances are good that even when I tuck the thing it's still visible.

Sometimes, I wish I could just say, "That's my cock. Take a long drink with your eyes."

- Herv Nation

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