declaration of indypendance

1. we the people will not read the nonsense that these losers think is clever or cool or interesting, but instead spend our energy on trying to make our penises grow by thought alone.
2. we will forever, when confronted with the authors of this blog, who are the sons of diseased whores and a thousand madmen, complement their ties, or, if they're not wearing ties, we'll point out the cum stain on their pants.
3. we will mispell at least one word a day.
4. we will jump over a few numbered rules.
21,955. we will defer to rule number 5 in all cases in which rules number 816 and 21,954 contradict each other.
21,956. we will make at least one trip to Mecca in our lifetime.
21,957. we will make decisions that we already regret as we do them.
21,958. we will sever all connections with our mothers and left arms past the elbow.
21,959. hot dogs will be eaten on Fridays.
22,000. anyone caught eating hot dogs on Fridays will be punished to death by nonsensical jokes and obscure references.
22,001. anyone caught punishing someone to death by nonsensical jokes and obscure references will be elected to some political office, or oficina if you are Mexicano, or Mexican if you are not Mexican.
22,002. we will solve this math problem, but forget to carry the 6: 4((.5/1002)(10b)(10b/(10b/10b)))/4(10b/4(4))
22,003. a line will be drawn in the sand, accompanied by three other lines, and tic-tac-toe will be played before the tide comes in.
22,004. we shall forever refer to Parker as his holiness and Sean as his parkerness.
22,005. we will stop reading this declaration now, even though there are several more rules.
22,006. we will recap our sodas after every drink to retain carbonation.
22,007. we will recarbonate our ovaries to drink cap retainers.
22,008. we will redrink our carbonates to cap our tainted ovary drinks.
22,009. the sun came up. it was blue and gold.
22,010. we will watch triumph of the will with will smith.
22,011. we will want what wavers wonderfully in the warranting, whoozy winds of Washington, where a whimper waves woefully to wanton widows with washed-up worries, woven wigs, and winking ways of waylaying the witty, wet wilderness that wafts over well-washed windows and weathered stairways of pearl.